Life Without Coffee Is Like... Life!

[Jay Edward (deceased)]

You Know You Drink Too Much Coffee When:

• You answer the door before people knock.

• Juan Valdez named his donkey after you.

• You ski uphill.

• You grind your coffee beans in your mouth.

• You haven't blinked since the last lunar eclipse.

• You lick your coffeepot clean.

• You're the employee of the month at the local coffeehouse and you don't even work there.

• Your eyes stay open when you sneeze.

• You chew on other people's fingernails.

• Your T-shirt says, "Decaffeinated coffee is the devil's blend."

• You can type sixty words per minute ... with your feet.

• You can jump-start your car without cables.

• All your kids are named "Joe".

• You don't need a hammer to pound nails.

• Your only source of nutrition comes from "Sweet & Low."

• You don't sweat, you percolate.

• You buy 1/2 & 1/2 by the barrel.

• You've worn out the handle on your favorite mug.

• You go to AA meetings just for the free coffee.

• You walk twenty miles on your treadmill before you realize it's not plugged in.

• You forget to unwrap candy bars before eating them.

• You've built a miniature city out of little plastic stirs.

• People get dizzy just watching you.

• You've worn the finish off your coffee table.

• The Taster's Choice couple wants to adopt you.

• Starbucks owns the mortgage on your house.

• Your taste buds are so numb you could drink your lava lamp.

• Instant coffee takes too long.

• When someone says. "How are you?", you say, "Good to the last drop."

• You want to be cremated just so you can spend the rest of eternity in a coffee can.

• Your birthday is a national holiday in Brazil.

• You have a picture of your coffee mug on your coffee mug.

• You can thread a sewing machine, while it's running.

• You can outlast the Energizer bunny.

• You short out motion detectors.

• You don't even wait for the water to boil anymore.

• Your nervous twitch registers on the Richter scale.

• You think being called a "drip" is a compliment.

• You don't tan, you roast.

• You can't even remember your second cup.

You help your dog chase its tail