This may sound funny to some of you. Go ahead & laugh. Some of it was funny to me too. .....About a month ago  I noticed soreness & a bit of swelling in my left nipple. When I felt it there was a small, sore lump under it. Thinking I might have bumped against something to cause it, I waited a week or so to see if it went away. That didn't happen. Lots of times I hurt myself & just mumble a couple bad words & forget how, where or when it happened. i have a very high tolerance for pain anyway. Besides that, it always feels better when it quits hurting. Pain that would put most men on their knees does irritate me. ......I made an appointment with my primary care provider to get checked out. Naturally, he doesn't have a clue & has me go to the hospital for a sonogram. They can't accommodate me for two weeks because they're "behind" due to the virus pandemic.  

When I called to make the appointment, some ugly  lady answered that sounded like her previous job was prison warden. She started interrogating me. Can you stand alone? Yes. Have you been in any foreign countries in the past  three month? Walmart is all. .....Smart alec, that's not a country. After a few more questions I had heard enough & turned the investigation over to Muffin. She can hear better than I can anyway. Anyway, I got an appointment for two weeks later.

When we arrived for the appointment & signed in, I met the lady that interrogated me. Just as I suspected, warthog in disguise. Already I was thinking. this ain't  goona be good. After sitting in the lobby 15 or 20 minutes a pretty little blond, pixie around 25 years old came out & called my name. Muffin went with me because I can't see or hear very well. The littlem lady informed me I had to get a MAMMOGRAM  first. Now that might be a problem. I don't have mammary glands & I find feeling my nipples somewhat irritating. Fortunately, she knew about such things &n had a good sense of humor & wit. We got along just fine. There was nothing erotic about it but I didn't  mind a pretty young thing handling me like that till she put  my  nipple in the arbor press. Now this contraption has a table about 12 inches square much like a drill press & an upper "jaw" that comes down when she presses a button. Apparentlyn it has a pressure switch that turns it off at a certain pressure. Sweetie watched my face for signs of distress or pain I suppose. Seeing none, she tightened the knob on top of  the upper jaw till my eyeballs were about ready to pop out. At this point she triggered a switch to take a picture I suppose &b released the pressure much to my relief.

I thought it was over with but she wanted to do it two more times at different angles. I was beginning to suspect she enjoyed pain but only if she was administering it. I suffered thru it but she wasn't thru yet. She said she needed two on the right nipple for "comparison." At least that nipple wasn't sore till she got done abusing it. After all that was done, she took me to another room & turned me over to another little blond pixie for the sonogram. There was nothing to that procedure. Muffin sat there another 10 minuts till she came back with a doctor. He explained things after looking at then mammograms & sonogram & said there was a"lump" under my nipple but definitely no cancer. That's good news but there's still the sore "lump" .....Paul H

First off - That IS funny! :D

Second, when you first told me about the lump, I was concerned that it might BE breast cancer. Men do get it. Rare, but it happens. And you ARE an OLD cuss! I am VERY glad to hear that it is not cancerous!

Wish'd Ida seen a video... :D

Paul

Paul, "It's definitely not cancer." is what I wanted to hear but they could be wrong. That happens too. Now I'm wondering what it really is. It's not going away. I'll have to have another conversation with my doctor about it. I'm sure he's gonna refer me to another one of his doctor friends. They ALWAYS do that. .......The only funny part of it was the humorous rapport between me & the young lady doing the mammograms. I won't go into detail but she wouldn't allow me to give her a mammogram. Good kid with a great sense of humor. .......Paul H

No cancer = good news!!!!

Yes Rick, but the problem still exist. Still wondering what the problem is. More trips to the doctor. I'm suspecting my heart medication side effects. .......Paul H